I’ve noticed that the older I get, the less booze I can drink without feeling completely awful the next day. It all started a few months ago when I was sipping a beer around a campfire, talking and laughing with friends, and the next thing I knew I was in a stranger’s house spewing into some dude’s toilet. If I hadn’t been in such a state of shambles I probably would have been humiliated. Since then, it has all kind of gone down hill.
My hangovers range from that I-don’t-feel-quite-right sensation to oh-my-god-I-want-to-die feeling. Most of the time I experience the latter.
I have compiled a list of all of the remedies I have tried to beat those hangover blues. Some have been effective, some have not.
Time. I know, this is really lame, but time has proven to be the most effective cure for a hangover. Time heals all hangovers. On New Year’s Day I was feeling particularly vomitocious. It was well into the afternoon and I was still sprawled out on the couch, swaddled in what is now known by my family as “the healing blanket”. As my family discussed the really cheesy lasagna that we had for dinner the night before I closed my eyes and tried to block the image of melty cheese from my mind. I had to immediately excuse myself to throw up. When I came back my mom expressed her sympathy that I would not be able to partake in the delicious fondue dinner party we were having that night. I assured her that I would be fine by 5 or 6pm. Come 5:30 I was ravenously chowing down on pepperoni sticks smothered in cheese.
Slurpee. The blend of sugary sweet and slushy cold almost never fails me. If I’ve had a raucous night and I’m near a 7-11 the next morning, I have to go. I always get a half cherry half coke slurpee. It not only settles my stomach but it also gives me some pep. Those delicious icy treats work miracles.
Exercise. I’ve tried this remedy a few times and it tends to work, though it depends on the severity of the hangover. If I’ve got the oh-my-god-I-want-to-die hangover then chances are I’m curled up in the fetal position on a bed, couch or bathroom floor. A few months ago I went to a party and had consumed enough alcohol to feel gross the next morning. Despite feeling blah I went ice skating for over 2 hours the next day with some of my fellow party goers and afterward I felt like a million bucks.
Tea. I don’t drink nearly enough tea after a night of drinking. The few times that I’ve had some hot tea in the morning I’ve felt way better. One time I slept over at a random dude’s house on his living room couch. I woke up the next morning to find a cup of piping hot tea on the coffee table, put out there for me by the random dude’s roommate. It was the sweetest thing ever. There aren’t nearly enough guys in the world like the random dude’s roommate.
More alcohol. A lot of guys claim that drinking a beer in the morning helps. Just the thought of alcohol when I’m hungover makes me feel worse. I took a few sips of beer once when I was feeling really desperate. My nausea didn’t go away but my pounding head felt better. Another time I drank a frozen margarita. It had about the same effect as a slurpee except I felt drunk again.
Crackers. I’ve heard that things like toast and crackers are good for hangovers. Well, once I forced myself to eat some saltines because I was feeling sick all day and hadn’t eaten anything. Then, still feeling terrible, I went on an outing with my family. I had to have them pull the car over so I could ralph up my crackers. So far, I’ve found no food that can cure an oh-my-god-I-want-to-die hangover.
There are other obvious things that help such as sleep, liquids, fresh air and showers. Something that I would suggest avoiding are moving vehicles. Cars, buses, trains, subways, boats- I’ve been there and it is not pretty.
Of course, the most effective way to avoid a hangover is to ‘drink responsibly’. I have also learned that what they say about mixing beer, wine and liquor is true- the outcome can be horrifying. Then again, to quote myself after my sister asked me if I had learned my lesson, moments after upchucking out her car door, “NO!”
